With each passing day that I notch upon my proverbial age belt, the more I am sure that resistance is what actually ages us.

The resistance to what IS and the aching for what WAS. That, to me, seems the cause of our eternal angst.

Now I can only speak from my own personal existence and experience, so that’s what I’m going to do…

What am I resisting?

The fact that, as women, most of us have to take care of ourselves and our families now, financially that is. It hasn’t  always been this way. As a matter of fact, my OWN angst is from my seemingly hard-wired yearning to go back to the ‘way it was’ so that I could do on a daily basis what my soul seems to love doing.

And what IS it that my soul loves doing? Caring for others. Tending to the things that make a person happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. Raising children…mine and other people’s so they respect the world and themselves enough to grow into responsible adults who have children who…you get the idea.

My soul loves to prepare cookies and muffins and soups for the people in my lives. Why? I don’t know. Perhaps I instinctually know that they need nourishment and I can provide it in a loving, healthy way. Maybe the smile on their faces as they lather butter on a hot banana muffin in anticipation of something yummy or watching them take a sip from a tall glass of ice-cold milk after the virgin bite of a rich, melting dark chocolate cookie freshly snatched from the hot oven.

All I do know is that the more women I talk to, especially women who around my age (51), the more I realize it’s not just me. It seems that women all over the world are craving the lifestyle they seem hard-wired to live; the lifestyle many of us witnessed our mothers living…until, and if, they got divorced that is. At that point, many of them lost their ‘do what you love for free’ cards and had to go to work. And many remarried quickly so as to reclaim that card as quickly as possible.

Ah, but the times they are a changin’ you might be humming to yourself. But don’t hum too loudly. You may ‘think’ they have changed, but if you talk to a few young women in your circle of influence, those about to leave high school and be off on their own for the first time (depending on what culture you belong to), they have their proverbial eye on the prince, the white horse in the distance, the picket fence, the apron and oh yah, the cookies.

Only problem is that that just ain’t happenin’ much anymore and I personally feel an elephant of sadness sitting on my heart about it. I see women struggling financially everyday who are trying to make it on their own, kids who rarely see their mothers (and fathers) because they’ll all ‘out there’ trying to make it in the world. And yes, I see men who are struggling also who pay, sometimes happily, sometimes court-ordered) child support and alimony to the ones they once called ‘family’.

There’s no obvious solution to this short expression of my emotion this morning. Just that I continually question why WHAT IS has replaced so deeply what USED TO BE and question if it’s really what’s best for our human beingness. At this point, I don’t think it is.

However, that being said, I also realize that the stress I feel is of my own doing. It begins in my head when I occasionally allow myself to think about my mom’s life…the one where she happily (or so it seemed) took care of all of us and appreciated the job.

I think I’d like that job. Though the financial pay was no where to be seen, the payment to our mother’s souls and spirits was often all they needed to be the women they really wanted to be.

Just something to think about…

Ever wake up with a little attitude? No real reason, just woke up that way?

Well, that’s our cue, girls, for making it a productive day. Studies show (mine) that when we’re feeling a little edgy, our energy is up, our minds are sharp and we’re in our power. Without something to focus on, though, we’re likely to pick a fight ~ doesn’t matter with whom ~ partners, colleagues, kids, random guy on the street. That’s how ‘edgy’ gets a bad rap. The energy has to go somewhere and, without direction, it can easily go to all the wrong places. Put it to work for you, though, and all of sudden it’s your best commodity!

So, next time you wake up feeling feisty (or someone notices you have an edge), don’t take offense, don’t assume it’s hormonal. Just know it’s time for action. Get on that project, make those phone calls, be engaged and use it to your advantage.

Consider it your secret weapon!

As we approach the holiday season, you’re likely in one of two main boats:

• You LOVE the holidays, giving gifts, experiencing the excitement of receiving, and basically enjoying the whole process. Or…

• You’re already dreading the season because: there’s not quite enough money to live on, let alone buy presents; you feel sick to your stomach when you think about going deeper into debt to buy them; or maybe you’re just tired of having to perform up to the never-ending higher standard of this year.

Regardless of how you feel about the holidays in general, it’s usually family or money that causes stress, overwhelm, headaches, depression, and worse. Seems to conflict directly to jolly old St. Nick with his bundle of toys and bags of candy flying around the world to deliver this stuff to all the good girls and boys. 

(Note: The GOOD and BAD children part of this story is like an old wound for some of us ~ just doesn’t feel right that “if you’re good, you’ll get presents” and “if you’re bad, you won’t.” That’s a lot for a little kid!)

For those of you in the first boat, have a blast this year and happy holidays!

For those of you in the second boat, we have the following suggestions for you ~ meant to give you some relief this time around.

First, you must be willing to take a stand right now. Vow with yourself to do things differently this year…and then follow through with that vow.

Next, spend some time thinking about how you can engage your children (and spouse if you need to) in activities that involve the entire family ‘doing good’ for others.

Third, take a good look at your bank account. I have always felt that honesty, and numbers in black and white on paper, are the best policy. If buying presents is a financial hardship, and the stress that it causes makes you grumpy, angry, depressed or just isn’t fun for you, then sit down with your children and explain. Be honest. Let them know why it does what it does to you and find a way to make it work for all of you.

Too often parents don’t want to involve their children in reality but, quite frankly, that’s the ONLY way they learn about it! What are you trying to protect them from? None of us truly exist in a fairy tale life; there are bills and responsibilities, and hours to be worked, and stuff to be done. Adding the pressure of the holidays to your already hectic schedule may just end up being the straw that breaks the camel’s back, as they say.

What if, instead, you take the time you’d normally spend rushing around buying presents and used it to make home made cookies instead? What if you challenged the entire family to come up with ways to give things they already own but don’t use (that are still in good shape of course) to others who really need them? What if you rented fun movies, ate popcorn, and enjoyed each other’s company instead of forcing the holiday to be something you’re just trying to ‘get through’?

I know we don’t have the answer for you. But Elisabeth does have a personal experience that may give you something to push up against. See if it helps you become more clear about what will work.

Says Elisabeth:

“Ten years ago, I gave up Christmas. Just stopped. No presents, no cards, no tree, no decorating, no special foods around the house, no parties. None of what traditional people define as ‘the holidays.’

What I got (and have gotten every year since) was this:

• Time with friends that was honest, enjoyable, relaxing.
• Time with my family where none of us felt pressured to buy anything. What a gift THAT was for me!
• Time to sit back and relax while the rest of the world spun around me doing the holidays (with many telling me they secretly envied my decision and wished they could do the same thing).”

Notice if you’re one of those people who secretly wishes it could be different this year. Anyone can choose to change anything in their lives ~ in a moment. You just stop, think and choose something else. The part that gets in the way is the action. Many people choose but then don’t have what it takes to act on the choice. Elisabeth calls that ‘wishing’, not choosing…it’s just mislabeled.

For what it’s worth, we support you in doing it your way. If you love the holidays, enjoy them to the fullest. If you don’t love them, change them.

Let us know how it’s going!

If you are one way but you think you should be another way, maybe you should think again.

Many have told me that I needed to focus on one project and get it done first. Others tried to praise me into relaxing, focusing, finishing, doing other things.

Once in a while I would let other people influence what I knew to be true about me…what motivated me, what I enjoyed, what thrilled me, what drove me at my core.

Then I would decide that they didn’t have a clue who I really was…that they were only comparing me to how they thought a person should be.

Well, I have great news. I’m exactly the person I want to be and after reading Tamara Lowe’s new book, Get Motivated, I’m happy to report that I will never again question how I should be.

Tamara talks in the book about her Motivational DNA philosophy. D stands for Drives, N stands for Needs and A stands for awards. Each category has two options:

Drive: You’re either driven to develop Commonality (relationships) or Projects.

Needs: You either need Stability or Variety.

Awards: You either thrive on Internal or External rewards.

I am proud to announce that I am a card carrying PVI. I am motivated by projects, I thrive on variety and I am seriously internally rewarded.

Who knew? I did and I’ve known this (without the explanation and labels, of course) from as young as 13 years old. My mother always said I was happiest wearing a lot of hats and that I loved having projects to do. I was always sewing something or growing something or building something or working on something.

The variety thing? Oh my Gosh. I had one job at Hewlett-Packard one summer on an assembly line where they fill up the ink cartridges. The boss actually told me to stop asking everyone questions about how things were done. I think I lasted less than two weeks before I told her where to put her boring job.

And lastly, I have always been internally motivated. I don’t need others to tell me what a great job I’m doing…I need others to tell me HOW I’m doing, WHAT to tweak, HOW to make what I’m doing better…but I don’t need their praise to keep going. Do I like praise? Of course. I just don’t need it to keep going.

On that note, time to go work on something else.

Get the book. Get motivated, by Tamara Lowe. You’ll love it.

No words. Just something to think about…

Hot off the press from Elisabeth:

On my beach walk this morning, I stopped thinking for a few minutes
and started watching the different speeds by which people were moving
about the planet.

Some people had a slow, sauntering pace while others zoomed by
as if they had many a place to go before noon.

It occurred to me that perhaps each of us has a ‘financial pace’ as well.

Think about it…

Some people want to get where ever they are going fast. They want to be
there right now. They can hardly wait.

Others are just as happy (or even happier) to take it easy. They move slowly
toward their goals and seem to enjoy many a rose along the way.

Either way is fine, except when you don’t know which way is yours!

So, stop for a moment and think about YOUR preferred pace on this journey
to financial freedom. It was only a few short decades ago when people didn’t
think much about how ‘fast’ they were moving financially. They just got a good
job, saved money along the way and prepared for retirement.

Things seem different now. People want to ‘get there fast’ so they can do what
they want to do NOW instead of later. What if you could actually do what you
want now ~ but part time ~ instead of waiting to do it full time later?

Your sense of financial pace is deeply tied to what motivates you from the inside
to take action and move forward. Your financial pace is yours and your alone.

How do you move about the planet? 

Notice it… and enjoy it…

Thanks Elisabeth ~ definitely something to think about!

Sometimes it’s not what we want that is holding us back.

Sometimes it’s what you think it might take to have it.

What are YOU stepping back from?

If you could see yourself six months from now, where do you think you’ll be? 

Flash Forward: a smart, engaging, FUN ABC  television series! The event that throws us into action: the whole world blacks out for two minutes and 17 seconds but, instead of losing total consciousness, they flash forward to a day six months into the future and get a vision of what’s going on in their lives. From there, we’re on an action-packed journey into peoples’ lives and an investigation about the strange phenomena. But let’s come back to personal relevance!

I want you to take a moment and dream into your future. 

Where do you want to be? And what can you do today to step into making that a reality? This is not an exercise in goals but in desire, in wanting, in dreaming, and believing. Six months will pass regardless of whether or not you take the time to look ahead but wouldn’t it be great to come out of that six months with something you really want for yourself?

Allow yourself to want something without wondering how it could happen. Have some fun with this. Make it up, play with it and see what opens up for you. Stretch beyond the confines of your life today and put yourself into a future you would love! Maybe very little would be different, maybe it would be total transformation. 

Go ahead. Dream into your best life ~ it may be only six months away!

Hard not to notice David Letterman in the headlines this morning. The consensus seems to be that he will be easily forgiven because he is a celebrity. Apparently we don’t hold celebs to the same standards to which we hold ourselves and others. Why do we let some people off the hook and not others?

I’m interested in this question not because I really care about David Letterman but because it leads me inward to look for the places I “let slide”. By identifying where I let myself off the hook (not being responsible for what I do or don’t do), I have the opportunity to re-establish my internal integrity and sense of well-being.

Every time I spend money without knowing how much I have, I’m taking a little swipe at my self-respect. Each commitment to exercise I cancel, I let myself down. By not apologizing for hurting someone’s feelings, I choose to live with “stuff” in my space. Little by little, these things pile up and I diminish my ability to live on purpose. 

I’m not saying that we should punish ourselves. No. I just want us all to take responsibility for what we do or don’t do and not give ourselves celebrity treatment. Do what we know is right and take the consequence if we don’t. And move on. Always move on.