In years past I’ve allowed myself a good amount of cynicism around the so-called “Hallmark” holidays. Mother’s Day is one of the “big” ones.

When I became a mom, I also became righteous in my stance against receiving chocolates, flowers, and especially a brunch that cost more on that day than any other day. I refused to let the trance of “buying things to prove love” penetrate my household. After all, having a child was more than enough for me. Well, I just got real.

I looked in the metaphorical mirror this morning and saw that, underneath my cynical exterior, was a thread of unworthiness. An age-old story that I don’t deserve that kind of special attention, that kind of extravagant spending. Oh sure, we can all rally behind the shared truth that material things do not equal appreciation and love, but it’s just that kind of covert belief that gets in the way of being available for abundance. There’s an indiscriminate energy in there that keeps broadcasting the message “more is not welcome here”.

Well, I think it’s time to give up that story and let the celebration begin. Time to let those who love me make their own choices about how they want to express their appreciation. Time for me to open my heart and mind and accept all that comes my way, be it on Mother’s Day or any other day.

Alison Armstrong told me that a true Queen knows how to receive. Receive love, gifts, time, money, compliments… all of it.

So, to all you Queen-moms out there ~ let it all in! With a grace-filled “thank you!”

Happy Mother’s Day! (especially to you, Mom!)

Appreciation.

Walking on the beach with one of my girlfriends this morning, we talked about one of the most human of conditions ~ postponing happiness for “that day” when…

…I have the right job. When I make enough money. When I live where I want. When I meet the right person. When my kids are grown. Blah, blah, blah.

What about right now? What about today? We can spend so much time thinking about all the things we need to be, do, fix, or accumulate that we can’t see where we are.

Getting Real with Your Finances helps you appreciate the here and now. Has you focus on what you have, not what you don’t. Gives you a piece of solid ground to stand on AND step from. Every time you acknowledge where you are, you get a glimpse of where you can go.

Right Now is really all we have. Yes, we can plan for the future ~ but not at the expense of enjoying the day we’re in.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow never comes. Someday is now.

Getting Real gets you HERE!

And when you’re here, you’ll be happy.

Don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself.

“Getting Real With Your Money” often requires a daily integrity practice. It’s so easy ~ and not uncommon ~ to reward yourself “just a little” for being such a good girl with your money! I call this “The Fudge Factor”. You “fudge” just a little thinking it won’t make a big difference and, really, who’s gonna know?

A Little Liquid Fudge Anyone?

Sometimes, after days of conscious spending and taking care of my financial affairs with attention and conviction, I deem myself worthy of a gift. This morning it was a latte. My rationale: I’ve been SO responsible lately that spending a little money on myself is deserved and won’t break the bank.

Early in the “Get Real” program, these so-called rewards (or pieces of fudge) can easily lead us back into familiar patterns of unconscious spending, feeling ashamed, and avoiding the issue ~ sending us right back into the territory of “hoping it will all work out”.

Integrity is about keeping your word. And in matters of our money, it’s all about keeping your word with yourself. Money has only everything to do with YOU and it’s YOU you have to answer to.

For me, it’s a slippery slope. This morning’s latte isn’t that big of a deal but I notice that I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. Why? Because I have an agreement with myself to limit “fudge” from my spending in order to pay off just a little more of my credit card bill. Spending $2.75 on a delicious drink leaves me with $2.75 less to pay down my balance. One piece of fudge won’t likely break the bank but, if it sets me off on a pattern of spending, it just might break my spirit.

This is not about being worthy or deserving of something. By “Getting Real With Money” I am no longer internally codependent. I am a grown woman who makes choices based on what I want in my financial life ~ no more, no less. No emotional baggage or undercurrent, just another choice to restore my self integrity.

To fudge or not to fudge?

What’s your fudge factor?

Woke up this morning with high anxiety. The kind that floods in with the first conscious moment after sleep. Often brought on by overactive adrenals and other hormonal imbalances that can accompany this ever-changing 49-year-old body. The usual suspects? Caffeine, stress, no exercise. The real culprit? Money.

Without my hypersensitivity to “all things money” these days, I may have overlooked the single most important red flag being waved at me this morning. See if you can relate.

I’ve been making purchases without an eye on my bank balance. I have several big-ticket payment dates approaching and just depleted my savings to take care of my obligation to the IRS. I have avoided any substantive money conversations with my husband because I don’t want to feel inadequate, irresponsible, or ashamed.

Red Flag. Waving.

Whenever I find myself relating to my money situation with my eyes closed or crossed fingers, I am no longer standing on solid ground. And, for me, floating on hope creates anxiety. Only every time.

The prescription? Move my body, take a break from the morning coffee and “get real” with my finances. That translates to looking at my bank statement, listing the upcoming expenditures, and sitting down with my husband to face who I’m being with money. If I don’t have what I need, then I/we come up with a plan.

The anxiety dissipates with the admission. It will disappear entirely with action. Emotions come and go.

Menopause or Money? You might want to look into it!

In the quest for turning financial turmoil into financial peace of mind, we often look to others for answers. Yet…what it comes down to in the end, is a stark realization that WE have, and have had, the answers all along.

The First Answer

You must develop an awareness of what you are CURRENTLY doing in order to determine what you NEED to be doing to change your current financial situation. Truly SEEING yourself is the type of awareness you need; the type of awareness that rocks your world, makes every part of your being shiver at what will happen if you stay the same and don’t initiate change in your life.

This is the type of awareness that initiates change that moves mountains, changes the course of mankind, alters the face of what has been for the rest of your days.

This type of awareness is necessary for profound change in any area of your life, including your personal finances. Some of the many things that often spark this type of awareness include:

• Emotions around your personal finances you can’t deal with anymore…overwhelm, sleeplessness, anxiety, embarrassment, shame and especially fear.
• Situations where you can’t keep up with payments.
• Dealing with debt collectors all day long.
• Feeling like you’re trapped…like there’s no way out (not that you can see yet).
• Constant consistent advice from those who care about your welfare.
• Or anything else that slaps you in the proverbial face and wakes you up to the reality of the situation.

Once you have experienced this type of in-your-face awareness, and you’ve made the decision to change what you’re currently doing to get a different result in the future, it’s time to whip out…The Little Money Book.

Little Money Book

The Easiest Part

The Little Money Book is your new best friend. This little book is going to keep track, with your help, of every cent (and dollar) that you spend for the next few weeks.

OK, I hear some of you saying to yourself, “I’m too busy. I don’t have the time to write it down everytime I spend money!” OK, then you don’t have time to ever be financially free! You don’t have time to learn how to get yourself out of the situation you’re in right now! If this is the case, stop reading and get back to work because obviously you’re not ready to experience a different financial way of life. That’s OK with me…just stop telling people you’re tired of not having money anymore because, obviously, you’re unwilling to do anything to change the situation.

Now, back to those of you who ARE ready for a change, ARE ready to experience more peace in your life, ARE ready to really take a look at real culprit…YOU! But before we go on, know that KNOWING that the culprit is you is a good thing. At least you know the person who is responsible!

Here’s what you do…

• Go to the nearest dollar-type store or office supply store and buy the littlest notebook you can find.
• Buy or find a short pen or pencil; one that you can put inside the rings of that little notebook.
• Put this notebook into your wallet or purse and KEEP IT THERE.
• Every time (not just sometimes but EVERY time) you spend even a penny, write it down in your Money Book.
• Write the date, the amount, what it was and why you bought whatever it was you bought.
• Do this for AT LEAST two weeks.

OK, now comes the best part. This is where you are either shocked at what you learn or affirmed that you know what you need to do differently. Do the following…

• Go through the past two weeks (or more) and circle every expense that was a WANT instead of a need. And be honest here. Don’t make excuses. Don’t justify it. Be an adult and look at each expense with a nonemotional inquiry about whether it was a need or a want.
• Add up the figures that you circled and write that final sum in your notebook under the last entry.
• Take that figure to the computer, go here: http://www.daveramsey.com/tools/investing-calculator/ and enter the amount you spend on wants.
• Use this amount as the initial investment, use 10% as the return and use 25 years as the investment period.
• Seriously take a look at the future value of the amount of money you spent on wants instead. Once you have this future in mind, get ready for the hardest part.

The Hardest Part

This is where, as they say, the rubber meets the road. This is where the the saying, “Winners never quit and quitters never win” hops on board. This is where you must CHOOSE to change what you’re currently doing to live a better result.

It’s simple, but it’s not easy…unless you want it to be.

Now that you know the future value of the money you’re essentially ‘wasting’ on wants, you have to choose differently. You have to look at every purchase and ask yourself, “Do I really want to continue wasting my financial resources so I’ll never be secure, peaceful and financially free OR am I willing to make the necessary changes and choose differently to get the results I really want?

So…

Are you up for the challenge?

Do you REALLY want to change your financial situation?

Where will you end up if you do nothing?

Where will you end up if you change?

Only you can answer these questions. Only you can turn The Little Money Book into a financial powertool to change your life.

And the answer is…

Here’s the thing…so many human beings want it ALL RIGHT NOW. But that’s just not possible. Life doesn’t work that way.

I mean, when you decide to have baby, you don’t just pop the little one out right then and there. You plan and eat well and take care of yourself and wait…lots and lots of waiting. And then once the baby comes you’re either ecstatic or wish you could wait some more!

The same goes with your improving your personal financial situation. Whether you have it all figured out and are well on your way to ‘feeling’ secure (after all, there is no such thing as security…we’ve made that up to feel better about our days here on Earth) or you’re still learning about money and finances and getting on your feet, you still have to take things day by day and step by step.

So here’s a simple suggestion for this morning (or whatever you’re reading this), look at your finances as growing another being. Know that when you finally make the decision to get out of debt or build assets or create streams of passive income, it’s just going to take a while.

And then remember to smell the roses along the way!

Are you living the life you want for yourself? If not, do you find yourself saying things like…

• I wish I could live in (a certain type of house).
• I wish I could go on (tropical island of choice).
• I wish I could buy _______ for my family.
• I wish I could go ________ and do ________.

If you find yourself wishing you had things that you can’t seem to afford, it might be that you haven’t  identified the underlying reason for wanting these things. More specifically, you haven’t realized that, in order to begin manifesting or creating the life you really want, you have to know WHY you want the things you want.

There’s something magical that happens when you know (and state) your WHY. Let me give you an example and then a simple activity to start manifesting your dream life immediately (yes, immediately).

Let’s say you love to eat organic foods but you find them expensive so you only buy a limited amount of them on your monthly budget. The ‘why’ behind this want is…

• Because I value my health highly.

This now becomes one of your powerful WHYs. You use a WHYs as a motivator to keep you moving toward your goal, especially when you get tired, overwhelmed, feel lost or helpless. Staying focused on your goal (or goals) helps keep you on the path to that life you keep saying you want for yourself.

Here’s a simple, but profoundly effective, activity to do on a regular basis. Stop right now, get a piece of paper and your favorite pen or pencil. Write on top of the page…WHY I WANT MONEY! You don’t have to have a set amount, but you could do that as a next step. For now, just start getting your WHYs down on paper.

Once you have done this activity (and remember, if you don’t do it, it won’t work), put this piece of paper somewhere you can see it during the day. Also, make it easy to modify and add to. Do NOT type it. Put it in your own handwriting…there’s also something magical about writing by hand.

OK, that’s all for now. Get your Why List started and then watch what unfolds. You’ll be surprised at how things begin to happen. Have fun with this! And keep us posted!

Coaching women over the past several years in getting what they want in life has been interesting, satisfying and fun and there’s one thing that keeps women stuck more than most…or so it seems.

What is that one thing? The fact that women seem to struggle more than men when it comes knowing WHAT they want and then determining WHY they want it. Perhaps it goes back to caveman/cavewoman times when what we wanted wasn’t so tangible…strong man, healthy children, safety, enough to eat, berries that were sweet, a clan of girlfriends to help with the chores and the child rearing.

For whatever reason, though, when women DO figure out what they want and then uncover a powerful WHY behind what it is they want, whatever they want virtually can’t NOT happen.

Here’s a little video I did on Finding Your Why. Hope you enjoy it. Please leave a comment to tell me what you thought and what you want more information on.

From Elisabeth…

Everywhere I turn these days, it seems I’m barraged with signs, flyers, ads and offers to “Make a Million This Way” and “Make a Million This Way.”

You would think everyone wants to be a millionaire these days. Whether they do or they don’t, the real question is “Do I really want to be a millionaire.” My response? Yes, No, Not Necessarily. Let me explain.

Yes, because I think being a millionaire will bring me the underlying emotional edification I’m craving (more on that in a minute). No, because it seems like a lot of work. Not Necessarily, because it might not actually require a million dollars to bring me what I really want.

A million dollars. What does that actually mean? A million dollars is one thousand piles of $1000. Another perspective: if it cost $1000 to live each month, that means (without a return on your investment, of course) you could live for 1000 months or over 83 years.

OK, how many of us could live on $1000 a month? Not me. So, let’s say the number is $3000.  A million would give me a little over 27 years. That doesn’t sound too appealing really, because I plan on living more than 27 more years.

So, is it really the million dollars I want or is it the monthly income?

It’s really neither. What I really want is the SECURITY that having a million dollars tucked safely away in my name under my control.

Most of the women I work with also want that security. They want to get up in the morning and not have to worry about where the money is coming from to pay the rent or mortgage, groceries, utilities and other necessities of life.

It seems that we all want the peace of mind that comes from having enough money to live where we want to live, do what we want to do, spend time with those we want to spend time with and do for those we want to do for. 

In the face of being sold on becoming a millionaire, ‘enough’ doesn’t even come into the equation but it’s the concept that keeps appearing front and center in my coaching sessions and teleseminars.

The definition of enough is as varied as my clients themselves. For some of us, enough is having what we need; for others, enough is being able to have what you need and want; for still others, enough means having MORE THAN enough.

So what is enough for you? It’s a really good question ~ maybe the most important one you’ll ask yourself in your quest for financial freedom.

It may take some time and effort to answer it. You’ll probably have to reconcile your bank accounts, look at your savings and your debt, track your expenses and create a budget or two. Worth the time and effort? Well, I keep seeing women showing up feeling confident, capable, and in control of their own lives. Yeah, I think it’s worth it.

Women want enough. When we have enough, we have more to give. It’s the emerging feminine paradigm. 

Something to think about…

With each passing day that I notch upon my proverbial age belt, the more I am sure that resistance is what actually ages us.

The resistance to what IS and the aching for what WAS. That, to me, seems the cause of our eternal angst.

Now I can only speak from my own personal existence and experience, so that’s what I’m going to do…

What am I resisting?

The fact that, as women, most of us have to take care of ourselves and our families now, financially that is. It hasn’t  always been this way. As a matter of fact, my OWN angst is from my seemingly hard-wired yearning to go back to the ‘way it was’ so that I could do on a daily basis what my soul seems to love doing.

And what IS it that my soul loves doing? Caring for others. Tending to the things that make a person happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. Raising children…mine and other people’s so they respect the world and themselves enough to grow into responsible adults who have children who…you get the idea.

My soul loves to prepare cookies and muffins and soups for the people in my lives. Why? I don’t know. Perhaps I instinctually know that they need nourishment and I can provide it in a loving, healthy way. Maybe the smile on their faces as they lather butter on a hot banana muffin in anticipation of something yummy or watching them take a sip from a tall glass of ice-cold milk after the virgin bite of a rich, melting dark chocolate cookie freshly snatched from the hot oven.

All I do know is that the more women I talk to, especially women who around my age (51), the more I realize it’s not just me. It seems that women all over the world are craving the lifestyle they seem hard-wired to live; the lifestyle many of us witnessed our mothers living…until, and if, they got divorced that is. At that point, many of them lost their ‘do what you love for free’ cards and had to go to work. And many remarried quickly so as to reclaim that card as quickly as possible.

Ah, but the times they are a changin’ you might be humming to yourself. But don’t hum too loudly. You may ‘think’ they have changed, but if you talk to a few young women in your circle of influence, those about to leave high school and be off on their own for the first time (depending on what culture you belong to), they have their proverbial eye on the prince, the white horse in the distance, the picket fence, the apron and oh yah, the cookies.

Only problem is that that just ain’t happenin’ much anymore and I personally feel an elephant of sadness sitting on my heart about it. I see women struggling financially everyday who are trying to make it on their own, kids who rarely see their mothers (and fathers) because they’ll all ‘out there’ trying to make it in the world. And yes, I see men who are struggling also who pay, sometimes happily, sometimes court-ordered) child support and alimony to the ones they once called ‘family’.

There’s no obvious solution to this short expression of my emotion this morning. Just that I continually question why WHAT IS has replaced so deeply what USED TO BE and question if it’s really what’s best for our human beingness. At this point, I don’t think it is.

However, that being said, I also realize that the stress I feel is of my own doing. It begins in my head when I occasionally allow myself to think about my mom’s life…the one where she happily (or so it seemed) took care of all of us and appreciated the job.

I think I’d like that job. Though the financial pay was no where to be seen, the payment to our mother’s souls and spirits was often all they needed to be the women they really wanted to be.

Just something to think about…