Letting Life Flow Through You

Eckhart Tolle, one of my favorite buddhas, reminds us that there are no PROBLEMS… only SITUATIONS.

We humans are so attuned to “what’s wrong” and “what needs to be fixed” that we forget we can choose a different perspective. Easy to see a lack of money as a problem. Easy to see a flat tire as a problem. Easy to see a plummeting economy as a problem.

But when we reframe  the “problem” into a “situation”, right action is called in naturally and we’re back in the natural flow of life.

What financial “problem” can you change into a “situation” today? And what action is being called for?

Let me know!

Do it for Love!

More often than not, our money situation dictates how much space we have for love.

Ever notice that, when you have enough money in the bank and all your bills are paid, you are happy and available for connection? On the flip side, when we have unmet financial obligations, we are likely to feel tight, uneasy, irritated, distracted ~ trapped in a very small world. When the walls start closing in, we have little time or attention for anything outside that which we absolutely need. We are in survival mode. Fight or flight.

I’m here to tell you ~ by facing your finances and taking care of your bottom line, you’ll have more space for love in your life. Guaranteed.

Free Fall from Shame

Most of us have wounds (unresolved feelings, situations, issues) from our past that rise up within us at one time or another, usually without warning. Whether we allow them to actually surface and move through us is a choice that can require a certain amount of courage.

When Pain comes knocking at our door (the door to freedom, to peace, love, expression ~ you name it), it’s Surrender that eventually opens it. Surrender, however, is not always available.

It’s that metaphor of hanging on to the edge of a cliff and figuring out how to let go. It’s holding the burning coal in your hand and figuring out how to drop it. We hang on for dear life (or the life of our Ego as it were) or hold on to that coal as if it’s keeping us alive. Try as we might to figure out HOW to let go, it seems impossible. We might think “if I could just figure out how to surrender, I would”.

When surrender does not seem possible or even fathomable, I look, instead, to see what might be standing in its way. Shame is often the culprit.

Many of the situations that create pain (or internal struggle) in my life are held intact because I am too ashamed to admit something. I judge myself as selfish or small and fear that others will judge me in the same way so I keep it to myself. To open my mouth and possibly bring in hard-to-be-with feelings feels as impossible as holding a burning coal in my hand. Or maybe it IS the burning coal.

What I know is that, when I admit something that I am ashamed of, regardless of the reaction it may engender in another, I am magically released from its grip. I am in a position to move forward, to step from the place I am, to be in a NEW place ~ even if I am then needing to face a reaction or be with a new set of circumstances. I find that I am no longer experiencing the sensation of holding on for dear life, no longer feeling the burning in my hand (in my heart).  The circumstances that called in the pain from so long ago has now changed and I am living in possibility once again.

Just as gravity holds our bodies together, holds this PLANET together, Shame holds my activating circumstances together ~ actually fuels them into living on longer than they actually existed. Shame is the gravity!

The amazing part of this: moving past the shame IS the surrender. It’s the movement that opens up my heart and lets the feelings move through me instead of sticking. It doesn’t matter what the shame has to do with ~ money, love, sex, parenting ~ the admission alone puts me back into reality. No longer am I hanging from the cliff. I’m free-falling. And with it comes  relief and renewal and, sometimes, even a re-patterning of an old way of being.

You might say I’m Defying Gravity!

Money is one of those things in life that you can actually take at face value. You can trust it to be exactly what it says it is ~ every single time! There is no gray area, no pretending, no illusion. It is what it is.

A dollar is a dollar no matter the circumstance or emotional state you’re in. If you have $150 in your wallet, THAT is how much you can spend. You can’t squeeze another dollar out of a twenty. You can’t wish a dime into becoming a quarter. Money shows up for you exactly as-is every time.

The only problem with money is US. Many of us enter into money relationships with mistrust, misunderstanding, and fear. We attach unproductive thoughts, feelings, and perspectives onto money. “I hate money.” “I don’t have enough money.” “I can’t figure out money.” “I can’t keep track of money.” “Money makes me crazy.”

Money is just money. It doesn’t DO anything or BE any certain way. How exciting! We don’t have to guess, hope, interpret or wonder about money. Money is something we actually have influence over. We can manipulate it, move it around, give it away ~ anything we want. And it still shows up as money.

I, personally, spent too many years believing that I couldn’t understand money; money was a problem I would never solve. But when I started to see money for what it is instead of what it isn’t, I started to feel my feet on the ground for the first time. I stopped wishing that money would somehow change and I started to change myself instead.Walking up a mountain is a lot easier when you feel the earth under your feet!

Money is solid. It’s real. You can count on it. Only every time.

In years past I’ve allowed myself a good amount of cynicism around the so-called “Hallmark” holidays. Mother’s Day is one of the “big” ones.

When I became a mom, I also became righteous in my stance against receiving chocolates, flowers, and especially a brunch that cost more on that day than any other day. I refused to let the trance of “buying things to prove love” penetrate my household. After all, having a child was more than enough for me. Well, I just got real.

I looked in the metaphorical mirror this morning and saw that, underneath my cynical exterior, was a thread of unworthiness. An age-old story that I don’t deserve that kind of special attention, that kind of extravagant spending. Oh sure, we can all rally behind the shared truth that material things do not equal appreciation and love, but it’s just that kind of covert belief that gets in the way of being available for abundance. There’s an indiscriminate energy in there that keeps broadcasting the message “more is not welcome here”.

Well, I think it’s time to give up that story and let the celebration begin. Time to let those who love me make their own choices about how they want to express their appreciation. Time for me to open my heart and mind and accept all that comes my way, be it on Mother’s Day or any other day.

Alison Armstrong told me that a true Queen knows how to receive. Receive love, gifts, time, money, compliments… all of it.

So, to all you Queen-moms out there ~ let it all in! With a grace-filled “thank you!”

Happy Mother’s Day! (especially to you, Mom!)

Appreciation.

Walking on the beach with one of my girlfriends this morning, we talked about one of the most human of conditions ~ postponing happiness for “that day” when…

…I have the right job. When I make enough money. When I live where I want. When I meet the right person. When my kids are grown. Blah, blah, blah.

What about right now? What about today? We can spend so much time thinking about all the things we need to be, do, fix, or accumulate that we can’t see where we are.

Getting Real with Your Finances helps you appreciate the here and now. Has you focus on what you have, not what you don’t. Gives you a piece of solid ground to stand on AND step from. Every time you acknowledge where you are, you get a glimpse of where you can go.

Right Now is really all we have. Yes, we can plan for the future ~ but not at the expense of enjoying the day we’re in.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow never comes. Someday is now.

Getting Real gets you HERE!

And when you’re here, you’ll be happy.

Don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself.

“Getting Real With Your Money” often requires a daily integrity practice. It’s so easy ~ and not uncommon ~ to reward yourself “just a little” for being such a good girl with your money! I call this “The Fudge Factor”. You “fudge” just a little thinking it won’t make a big difference and, really, who’s gonna know?

A Little Liquid Fudge Anyone?

Sometimes, after days of conscious spending and taking care of my financial affairs with attention and conviction, I deem myself worthy of a gift. This morning it was a latte. My rationale: I’ve been SO responsible lately that spending a little money on myself is deserved and won’t break the bank.

Early in the “Get Real” program, these so-called rewards (or pieces of fudge) can easily lead us back into familiar patterns of unconscious spending, feeling ashamed, and avoiding the issue ~ sending us right back into the territory of “hoping it will all work out”.

Integrity is about keeping your word. And in matters of our money, it’s all about keeping your word with yourself. Money has only everything to do with YOU and it’s YOU you have to answer to.

For me, it’s a slippery slope. This morning’s latte isn’t that big of a deal but I notice that I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. Why? Because I have an agreement with myself to limit “fudge” from my spending in order to pay off just a little more of my credit card bill. Spending $2.75 on a delicious drink leaves me with $2.75 less to pay down my balance. One piece of fudge won’t likely break the bank but, if it sets me off on a pattern of spending, it just might break my spirit.

This is not about being worthy or deserving of something. By “Getting Real With Money” I am no longer internally codependent. I am a grown woman who makes choices based on what I want in my financial life ~ no more, no less. No emotional baggage or undercurrent, just another choice to restore my self integrity.

To fudge or not to fudge?

What’s your fudge factor?

Woke up this morning with high anxiety. The kind that floods in with the first conscious moment after sleep. Often brought on by overactive adrenals and other hormonal imbalances that can accompany this ever-changing 49-year-old body. The usual suspects? Caffeine, stress, no exercise. The real culprit? Money.

Without my hypersensitivity to “all things money” these days, I may have overlooked the single most important red flag being waved at me this morning. See if you can relate.

I’ve been making purchases without an eye on my bank balance. I have several big-ticket payment dates approaching and just depleted my savings to take care of my obligation to the IRS. I have avoided any substantive money conversations with my husband because I don’t want to feel inadequate, irresponsible, or ashamed.

Red Flag. Waving.

Whenever I find myself relating to my money situation with my eyes closed or crossed fingers, I am no longer standing on solid ground. And, for me, floating on hope creates anxiety. Only every time.

The prescription? Move my body, take a break from the morning coffee and “get real” with my finances. That translates to looking at my bank statement, listing the upcoming expenditures, and sitting down with my husband to face who I’m being with money. If I don’t have what I need, then I/we come up with a plan.

The anxiety dissipates with the admission. It will disappear entirely with action. Emotions come and go.

Menopause or Money? You might want to look into it!

If you could see yourself six months from now, where do you think you’ll be? 

Flash Forward: a smart, engaging, FUN ABC  television series! The event that throws us into action: the whole world blacks out for two minutes and 17 seconds but, instead of losing total consciousness, they flash forward to a day six months into the future and get a vision of what’s going on in their lives. From there, we’re on an action-packed journey into peoples’ lives and an investigation about the strange phenomena. But let’s come back to personal relevance!

I want you to take a moment and dream into your future. 

Where do you want to be? And what can you do today to step into making that a reality? This is not an exercise in goals but in desire, in wanting, in dreaming, and believing. Six months will pass regardless of whether or not you take the time to look ahead but wouldn’t it be great to come out of that six months with something you really want for yourself?

Allow yourself to want something without wondering how it could happen. Have some fun with this. Make it up, play with it and see what opens up for you. Stretch beyond the confines of your life today and put yourself into a future you would love! Maybe very little would be different, maybe it would be total transformation. 

Go ahead. Dream into your best life ~ it may be only six months away!

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Enjoy…