Posts Tagged ‘money and women’

Do it for Love!

More often than not, our money situation dictates how much space we have for love.

Ever notice that, when you have enough money in the bank and all your bills are paid, you are happy and available for connection? On the flip side, when we have unmet financial obligations, we are likely to feel tight, uneasy, irritated, distracted ~ trapped in a very small world. When the walls start closing in, we have little time or attention for anything outside that which we absolutely need. We are in survival mode. Fight or flight.

I’m here to tell you ~ by facing your finances and taking care of your bottom line, you’ll have more space for love in your life. Guaranteed.

How do you calculate abundance?

How do you calculate abundance?

Treat others as you would have them treat you.

Give that which you would like to receive.

Receive that which you have already given.

Return that which you have not earned.

Refuse that which is given if you have not done enough to deserve it.

Commandments from the Bible of Debt Consciousness. A little slippery, don’t you think?

If I GET REAL with how I’m showing up these days, I have to admit that I keep tabs on my life ~ I make sure that I don’t take more than I give. Exhausting? You bet. A barrier to receiving money? Uh-huh. And you know why? Because the energy I generate in one area of my life infiltrates every other part of my life.

Example: My husband offers to massage my shoulders. I say “Oh, no, that’s okay… I’ll be fine” because I haven’t been very nice lately OR because I don’t have the energy to reciprocate. Seems reasonable to me. Just making sure that I’m living in balance.

Not so. I THINK I’m equalizing the giving and receiving, but what I’m really doing is shutting the whole process down entirely. I end up living in a tit-for-tat world where I allow things (love, attention, gifts, and MONEY) into my life by MY arbitrary choice, dictated by whatever ideas I have about self worth and deserved-ness. How limiting and controlling! Audacious, really!

The same energy that has me deny my husband’s offer impacts every other offer that comes in. Based upon my limited view, I allow only that which I can give back or reciprocate. That leaves me with a zero balance. Equal ~ to NOTHING. How can I ever have more? More love, more fun, more money?

Abundance has no end, has no limits, and can’t be measured on a scale. Keeping tabs might work in the restaurant business but it no place in MY business.

Time to stop the tally. Care to join me?

Any time you feel good about money, you feel good about the rest of your life too! Don’t even TRY to argue out of this one. And don’t take my word for it, either, just look at your own situation.

Here’s the thing: when we ignore, avoid, hide, or pretend when it comes to money, we are walking around IN THAT ENERGY no matter how small the integrity infraction may be. It seeps into other aspects of our lives and takes away from the WHOLE of who we are. Fine if you don’t mind being only partially available for fun, opportunity, and connection. But I want more for myself AND for you!

This is why I tell my clients to start their days by looking in the mirror AND at their bank accounts. It’s a metaphorical structure to make sure you’re ALL THERE before starting your day. Brush your hair, pinch your cheeks, and take care of one thing that will have you feel good about your money.

Make that charitable contribution, put $10 in your “play” account, choose not to buy your super-sized chai latte this morning, pack a lunch, have that conversation with your husband, research something you’ve been wondering about… it doesn’t take a big transformation to make a difference. It’s really about taking one little step!

When you’ve given yourself the gift of looking in the financial mirror, you give the world the gift of your presence. You show up available for YOUR life and all that’s possible. What else are you here for? And what are you waiting for?

Wait ~ don’t answer that… just look in the mirror AND at your bank account. Now, do that one thing you can do today. Just that one. And let me know how you feel!

Money is one of those things in life that you can actually take at face value. You can trust it to be exactly what it says it is ~ every single time! There is no gray area, no pretending, no illusion. It is what it is.

A dollar is a dollar no matter the circumstance or emotional state you’re in. If you have $150 in your wallet, THAT is how much you can spend. You can’t squeeze another dollar out of a twenty. You can’t wish a dime into becoming a quarter. Money shows up for you exactly as-is every time.

The only problem with money is US. Many of us enter into money relationships with mistrust, misunderstanding, and fear. We attach unproductive thoughts, feelings, and perspectives onto money. “I hate money.” “I don’t have enough money.” “I can’t figure out money.” “I can’t keep track of money.” “Money makes me crazy.”

Money is just money. It doesn’t DO anything or BE any certain way. How exciting! We don’t have to guess, hope, interpret or wonder about money. Money is something we actually have influence over. We can manipulate it, move it around, give it away ~ anything we want. And it still shows up as money.

I, personally, spent too many years believing that I couldn’t understand money; money was a problem I would never solve. But when I started to see money for what it is instead of what it isn’t, I started to feel my feet on the ground for the first time. I stopped wishing that money would somehow change and I started to change myself instead.Walking up a mountain is a lot easier when you feel the earth under your feet!

Money is solid. It’s real. You can count on it. Only every time.

In years past I’ve allowed myself a good amount of cynicism around the so-called “Hallmark” holidays. Mother’s Day is one of the “big” ones.

When I became a mom, I also became righteous in my stance against receiving chocolates, flowers, and especially a brunch that cost more on that day than any other day. I refused to let the trance of “buying things to prove love” penetrate my household. After all, having a child was more than enough for me. Well, I just got real.

I looked in the metaphorical mirror this morning and saw that, underneath my cynical exterior, was a thread of unworthiness. An age-old story that I don’t deserve that kind of special attention, that kind of extravagant spending. Oh sure, we can all rally behind the shared truth that material things do not equal appreciation and love, but it’s just that kind of covert belief that gets in the way of being available for abundance. There’s an indiscriminate energy in there that keeps broadcasting the message “more is not welcome here”.

Well, I think it’s time to give up that story and let the celebration begin. Time to let those who love me make their own choices about how they want to express their appreciation. Time for me to open my heart and mind and accept all that comes my way, be it on Mother’s Day or any other day.

Alison Armstrong told me that a true Queen knows how to receive. Receive love, gifts, time, money, compliments… all of it.

So, to all you Queen-moms out there ~ let it all in! With a grace-filled “thank you!”

Happy Mother’s Day! (especially to you, Mom!)

Appreciation.

Appreciation.

Walking on the beach with one of my girlfriends this morning, we talked about one of the most human of conditions ~ postponing happiness for “that day” when…

…I have the right job. When I make enough money. When I live where I want. When I meet the right person. When my kids are grown. Blah, blah, blah.

What about right now? What about today? We can spend so much time thinking about all the things we need to be, do, fix, or accumulate that we can’t see where we are.

Getting Real with Your Finances helps you appreciate the here and now. Has you focus on what you have, not what you don’t. Gives you a piece of solid ground to stand on AND step from. Every time you acknowledge where you are, you get a glimpse of where you can go.

Right Now is really all we have. Yes, we can plan for the future ~ but not at the expense of enjoying the day we’re in.

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow never comes. Someday is now.

Getting Real gets you HERE!

And when you’re here, you’ll be happy.

Don’t take my word for it. Try it for yourself.

“Getting Real With Your Money” often requires a daily integrity practice. It’s so easy ~ and not uncommon ~ to reward yourself “just a little” for being such a good girl with your money! I call this “The Fudge Factor”. You “fudge” just a little thinking it won’t make a big difference and, really, who’s gonna know?

A Little Liquid Fudge Anyone?

A Little Liquid Fudge Anyone?

Sometimes, after days of conscious spending and taking care of my financial affairs with attention and conviction, I deem myself worthy of a gift. This morning it was a latte. My rationale: I’ve been SO responsible lately that spending a little money on myself is deserved and won’t break the bank.

Early in the “Get Real” program, these so-called rewards (or pieces of fudge) can easily lead us back into familiar patterns of unconscious spending, feeling ashamed, and avoiding the issue ~ sending us right back into the territory of “hoping it will all work out”.

Integrity is about keeping your word. And in matters of our money, it’s all about keeping your word with yourself. Money has only everything to do with YOU and it’s YOU you have to answer to.

For me, it’s a slippery slope. This morning’s latte isn’t that big of a deal but I notice that I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. Why? Because I have an agreement with myself to limit “fudge” from my spending in order to pay off just a little more of my credit card bill. Spending $2.75 on a delicious drink leaves me with $2.75 less to pay down my balance. One piece of fudge won’t likely break the bank but, if it sets me off on a pattern of spending, it just might break my spirit.

This is not about being worthy or deserving of something. By “Getting Real With Money” I am no longer internally codependent. I am a grown woman who makes choices based on what I want in my financial life ~ no more, no less. No emotional baggage or undercurrent, just another choice to restore my self integrity.

To fudge or not to fudge?

What’s your fudge factor?

Woke up this morning with high anxiety. The kind that floods in with the first conscious moment after sleep. Often brought on by overactive adrenals and other hormonal imbalances that can accompany this ever-changing 49-year-old body. The usual suspects? Caffeine, stress, no exercise. The real culprit? Money.

Without my hypersensitivity to “all things money” these days, I may have overlooked the single most important red flag being waved at me this morning. See if you can relate.

I’ve been making purchases without an eye on my bank balance. I have several big-ticket payment dates approaching and just depleted my savings to take care of my obligation to the IRS. I have avoided any substantive money conversations with my husband because I don’t want to feel inadequate, irresponsible, or ashamed.

Red Flag. Waving.

Whenever I find myself relating to my money situation with my eyes closed or crossed fingers, I am no longer standing on solid ground. And, for me, floating on hope creates anxiety. Only every time.

The prescription? Move my body, take a break from the morning coffee and “get real” with my finances. That translates to looking at my bank statement, listing the upcoming expenditures, and sitting down with my husband to face who I’m being with money. If I don’t have what I need, then I/we come up with a plan.

The anxiety dissipates with the admission. It will disappear entirely with action. Emotions come and go.

Menopause or Money? You might want to look into it!

This was sent to me this morning by one of my many ‘internet friends” and I enjoyed it so much I am posting it here for all to read. I have no idea who penned it.

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high
fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs,
and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them
in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ’What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water.
Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with
a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance
that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!