Do it for Love!

More often than not, our money situation dictates how much space we have for love.

Ever notice that, when you have enough money in the bank and all your bills are paid, you are happy and available for connection? On the flip side, when we have unmet financial obligations, we are likely to feel tight, uneasy, irritated, distracted ~ trapped in a very small world. When the walls start closing in, we have little time or attention for anything outside that which we absolutely need. We are in survival mode. Fight or flight.

I’m here to tell you ~ by facing your finances and taking care of your bottom line, you’ll have more space for love in your life. Guaranteed.

How do you calculate abundance?

Treat others as you would have them treat you.

Give that which you would like to receive.

Receive that which you have already given.

Return that which you have not earned.

Refuse that which is given if you have not done enough to deserve it.

Commandments from the Bible of Debt Consciousness. A little slippery, don’t you think?

If I GET REAL with how I’m showing up these days, I have to admit that I keep tabs on my life ~ I make sure that I don’t take more than I give. Exhausting? You bet. A barrier to receiving money? Uh-huh. And you know why? Because the energy I generate in one area of my life infiltrates every other part of my life.

Example: My husband offers to massage my shoulders. I say “Oh, no, that’s okay… I’ll be fine” because I haven’t been very nice lately OR because I don’t have the energy to reciprocate. Seems reasonable to me. Just making sure that I’m living in balance.

Not so. I THINK I’m equalizing the giving and receiving, but what I’m really doing is shutting the whole process down entirely. I end up living in a tit-for-tat world where I allow things (love, attention, gifts, and MONEY) into my life by MY arbitrary choice, dictated by whatever ideas I have about self worth and deserved-ness. How limiting and controlling! Audacious, really!

The same energy that has me deny my husband’s offer impacts every other offer that comes in. Based upon my limited view, I allow only that which I can give back or reciprocate. That leaves me with a zero balance. Equal ~ to NOTHING. How can I ever have more? More love, more fun, more money?

Abundance has no end, has no limits, and can’t be measured on a scale. Keeping tabs might work in the restaurant business but it no place in MY business.

Time to stop the tally. Care to join me?

“Getting Real With Your Money” often requires a daily integrity practice. It’s so easy ~ and not uncommon ~ to reward yourself “just a little” for being such a good girl with your money! I call this “The Fudge Factor”. You “fudge” just a little thinking it won’t make a big difference and, really, who’s gonna know?

A Little Liquid Fudge Anyone?

Sometimes, after days of conscious spending and taking care of my financial affairs with attention and conviction, I deem myself worthy of a gift. This morning it was a latte. My rationale: I’ve been SO responsible lately that spending a little money on myself is deserved and won’t break the bank.

Early in the “Get Real” program, these so-called rewards (or pieces of fudge) can easily lead us back into familiar patterns of unconscious spending, feeling ashamed, and avoiding the issue ~ sending us right back into the territory of “hoping it will all work out”.

Integrity is about keeping your word. And in matters of our money, it’s all about keeping your word with yourself. Money has only everything to do with YOU and it’s YOU you have to answer to.

For me, it’s a slippery slope. This morning’s latte isn’t that big of a deal but I notice that I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. Why? Because I have an agreement with myself to limit “fudge” from my spending in order to pay off just a little more of my credit card bill. Spending $2.75 on a delicious drink leaves me with $2.75 less to pay down my balance. One piece of fudge won’t likely break the bank but, if it sets me off on a pattern of spending, it just might break my spirit.

This is not about being worthy or deserving of something. By “Getting Real With Money” I am no longer internally codependent. I am a grown woman who makes choices based on what I want in my financial life ~ no more, no less. No emotional baggage or undercurrent, just another choice to restore my self integrity.

To fudge or not to fudge?

What’s your fudge factor?

Here’s the thing…so many human beings want it ALL RIGHT NOW. But that’s just not possible. Life doesn’t work that way.

I mean, when you decide to have baby, you don’t just pop the little one out right then and there. You plan and eat well and take care of yourself and wait…lots and lots of waiting. And then once the baby comes you’re either ecstatic or wish you could wait some more!

The same goes with your improving your personal financial situation. Whether you have it all figured out and are well on your way to ‘feeling’ secure (after all, there is no such thing as security…we’ve made that up to feel better about our days here on Earth) or you’re still learning about money and finances and getting on your feet, you still have to take things day by day and step by step.

So here’s a simple suggestion for this morning (or whatever you’re reading this), look at your finances as growing another being. Know that when you finally make the decision to get out of debt or build assets or create streams of passive income, it’s just going to take a while.

And then remember to smell the roses along the way!

A long, long time ago, wealth was something those ‘other people’ had and enjoyed. The nonwealthy looked wistfully toward those who bought items of luxury, employed the services of others, enjoyed visits to spas, vacation destinations, etc. Many times the nonwealthy simply went about living their nonwealthy lives wishing and hoping something might be different, but rarely did their financial situations change.

Nowadays, the idea of wealth and creating it is as common place as, well, the air we breathe. It’s insidious. The headlines beckon us each day…

“Learn this trick and $10,000 a month will drop into your checking account.”

“Learn to market on the web and be a millionaire in 6 months!”

“Come to this seminar and you’ll miraculously know how to build your fortune like never before.”

“Watch this video…the experts will show you how!”

We’re pulled this way and that, as we experience what is commonly referred to as the “shiny object syndrome.” I love that term because practically all of us fall for it at least part of the time. Even me. We WANT to think that someone else has the clue, the answer, the secret, the key. But do they? 

But maybe we’re looking for the wrong key.

And maybe the key is different for women than it is for men. I believe so, and this is why (and these are what I call Genderalizations so if they don’t fit you, it’s OK):

For men, money is the primary way they provide for and protect the ones they love and care for. Money is a way they compete in this world; i.e., I have a bigger gun than you do so I will make a better provider! sort of thing. Money, for men, is tied to success and ego and their natural competiveness.

For women, on the other hand, money is generally looked at as a way to both provide security and take care of others. Because we’re naturally born ‘takercareofers’, money, to women, is the way in which we take care of those we love.

Sometimes the difference between ‘providing for’ and ‘taking care of’ can be fuzzy. Think of it this way: men give money to women who then use that money to buy groceries in order to be able to take care of the feeding, clothing, educating, etc. of the children. It’s subtle, but there is a difference.

Both genders, however, see money as freedom; the freedom to do what they wish to do with their lives. Whether it’s being the best provider, being the best takercareofer or being the best whatever it is you want to do, money buys you the freedom to do those things.

What does money mean to you? Just something to think about…