Letting Life Flow Through You

Eckhart Tolle, one of my favorite buddhas, reminds us that there are no PROBLEMS… only SITUATIONS.

We humans are so attuned to “what’s wrong” and “what needs to be fixed” that we forget we can choose a different perspective. Easy to see a lack of money as a problem. Easy to see a flat tire as a problem. Easy to see a plummeting economy as a problem.

But when we reframe  the “problem” into a “situation”, right action is called in naturally and we’re back in the natural flow of life.

What financial “problem” can you change into a “situation” today? And what action is being called for?

Let me know!

Free Fall from Shame

Most of us have wounds (unresolved feelings, situations, issues) from our past that rise up within us at one time or another, usually without warning. Whether we allow them to actually surface and move through us is a choice that can require a certain amount of courage.

When Pain comes knocking at our door (the door to freedom, to peace, love, expression ~ you name it), it’s Surrender that eventually opens it. Surrender, however, is not always available.

It’s that metaphor of hanging on to the edge of a cliff and figuring out how to let go. It’s holding the burning coal in your hand and figuring out how to drop it. We hang on for dear life (or the life of our Ego as it were) or hold on to that coal as if it’s keeping us alive. Try as we might to figure out HOW to let go, it seems impossible. We might think “if I could just figure out how to surrender, I would”.

When surrender does not seem possible or even fathomable, I look, instead, to see what might be standing in its way. Shame is often the culprit.

Many of the situations that create pain (or internal struggle) in my life are held intact because I am too ashamed to admit something. I judge myself as selfish or small and fear that others will judge me in the same way so I keep it to myself. To open my mouth and possibly bring in hard-to-be-with feelings feels as impossible as holding a burning coal in my hand. Or maybe it IS the burning coal.

What I know is that, when I admit something that I am ashamed of, regardless of the reaction it may engender in another, I am magically released from its grip. I am in a position to move forward, to step from the place I am, to be in a NEW place ~ even if I am then needing to face a reaction or be with a new set of circumstances. I find that I am no longer experiencing the sensation of holding on for dear life, no longer feeling the burning in my hand (in my heart).  The circumstances that called in the pain from so long ago has now changed and I am living in possibility once again.

Just as gravity holds our bodies together, holds this PLANET together, Shame holds my activating circumstances together ~ actually fuels them into living on longer than they actually existed. Shame is the gravity!

The amazing part of this: moving past the shame IS the surrender. It’s the movement that opens up my heart and lets the feelings move through me instead of sticking. It doesn’t matter what the shame has to do with ~ money, love, sex, parenting ~ the admission alone puts me back into reality. No longer am I hanging from the cliff. I’m free-falling. And with it comes  relief and renewal and, sometimes, even a re-patterning of an old way of being.

You might say I’m Defying Gravity!

Money is one of those things in life that you can actually take at face value. You can trust it to be exactly what it says it is ~ every single time! There is no gray area, no pretending, no illusion. It is what it is.

A dollar is a dollar no matter the circumstance or emotional state you’re in. If you have $150 in your wallet, THAT is how much you can spend. You can’t squeeze another dollar out of a twenty. You can’t wish a dime into becoming a quarter. Money shows up for you exactly as-is every time.

The only problem with money is US. Many of us enter into money relationships with mistrust, misunderstanding, and fear. We attach unproductive thoughts, feelings, and perspectives onto money. “I hate money.” “I don’t have enough money.” “I can’t figure out money.” “I can’t keep track of money.” “Money makes me crazy.”

Money is just money. It doesn’t DO anything or BE any certain way. How exciting! We don’t have to guess, hope, interpret or wonder about money. Money is something we actually have influence over. We can manipulate it, move it around, give it away ~ anything we want. And it still shows up as money.

I, personally, spent too many years believing that I couldn’t understand money; money was a problem I would never solve. But when I started to see money for what it is instead of what it isn’t, I started to feel my feet on the ground for the first time. I stopped wishing that money would somehow change and I started to change myself instead.Walking up a mountain is a lot easier when you feel the earth under your feet!

Money is solid. It’s real. You can count on it. Only every time.

“Getting Real With Your Money” often requires a daily integrity practice. It’s so easy ~ and not uncommon ~ to reward yourself “just a little” for being such a good girl with your money! I call this “The Fudge Factor”. You “fudge” just a little thinking it won’t make a big difference and, really, who’s gonna know?

A Little Liquid Fudge Anyone?

Sometimes, after days of conscious spending and taking care of my financial affairs with attention and conviction, I deem myself worthy of a gift. This morning it was a latte. My rationale: I’ve been SO responsible lately that spending a little money on myself is deserved and won’t break the bank.

Early in the “Get Real” program, these so-called rewards (or pieces of fudge) can easily lead us back into familiar patterns of unconscious spending, feeling ashamed, and avoiding the issue ~ sending us right back into the territory of “hoping it will all work out”.

Integrity is about keeping your word. And in matters of our money, it’s all about keeping your word with yourself. Money has only everything to do with YOU and it’s YOU you have to answer to.

For me, it’s a slippery slope. This morning’s latte isn’t that big of a deal but I notice that I’ve been thinking about it. A lot. Why? Because I have an agreement with myself to limit “fudge” from my spending in order to pay off just a little more of my credit card bill. Spending $2.75 on a delicious drink leaves me with $2.75 less to pay down my balance. One piece of fudge won’t likely break the bank but, if it sets me off on a pattern of spending, it just might break my spirit.

This is not about being worthy or deserving of something. By “Getting Real With Money” I am no longer internally codependent. I am a grown woman who makes choices based on what I want in my financial life ~ no more, no less. No emotional baggage or undercurrent, just another choice to restore my self integrity.

To fudge or not to fudge?

What’s your fudge factor?

Women who do great things don’t sit around wondering what can go wrong; they sit around imagining all of the things that can go right!

One of my favorite things to teach women in our Creative Wealth for Women program is the power of the mind to ‘choose’ what it thinks about. At first, the person learning this concept usually doesn’t want to admit it. They say things like…

“But I can’t help it!”
“I can’t stop thinking about…”
“My mind just wanders.”
“I just can’t keep myself from thinking about…”

Yet the fact is, we CAN control our thoughts; it’s just that before we can, we must become aware of them.

This means we have to take time to notice what you’re thinking…and when you DO notice your thoughts, what kind of thoughts are they?

What are YOU thinking about?

To find out, simply ask yourself these questions:

• Are my thoughts positive or negative in nature?
• Are my thoughts optimistic or pessimistic in nature?
• Am I thinking about the past, the present or the future?
• Am I creating my life or pretending to be a victim in some way?

Yes, noticing your thoughts takes practice because, for some reason, human beings have such a hard time accepting the idea that WE are at the root cause of all things life-related. And yet, when we do, we are all powerful in creating the exact life we wish to live.

Once you get pretty good at being aware of your thoughts, you’ll start to notice that you have certain thought ‘patterns’ that replicate themselves day in and day out. It’s these thought patterns that must be changed in order to change our lives. After all, even if you don’t want to admit it, we ARE what we think about most of the time.

Have you ever noticed that there is one thought that comes into your mind over and over again that then leads to the same additional thoughts that then leads you to the exact same conclusion or idea every single time? We often refer to this as a ‘chain of thought’ because one thought leads to the next and so on.

A friend of mine once told me that every time he thinks about getting himself a scooter to ride around town on in order to save money on gas (he has a large truck for work), he ends up deciding he should get a Harley!

What are some of your thought patterns? Take time today, and every day, to follow your thoughts. Then make a decision about whether you want to continue following them or you want them to follow you.

Just something to think about…